It's...a little bit scary, you know? Just because, if that hadn't happened, then I probably wouldn't be here right now, and I wouldn't have met you or anyone...and I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad I did but...
[She hesitates, making a soft noise of approval as she feels his fingers card through her hair.]
I'm afraid of where that leads. I can't keep going and say "I'm glad it happened", that's horrible. So I just get mixed up...
[She sighs.]
...Because I can't wish to be the person I would've been if it hadn't happened, you know? Because I don't know anything about her. But you know what that's like, right? Something big happened in your life, something life-changing, and it went one way but you're always left thinking, what if it didn't? What if it'd been the other thing?
no subject
[She hesitates, making a soft noise of approval as she feels his fingers card through her hair.]
I'm afraid of where that leads. I can't keep going and say "I'm glad it happened", that's horrible. So I just get mixed up...
[She sighs.]
...Because I can't wish to be the person I would've been if it hadn't happened, you know? Because I don't know anything about her. But you know what that's like, right? Something big happened in your life, something life-changing, and it went one way but you're always left thinking, what if it didn't? What if it'd been the other thing?